A pretty girl in her underwear
A pretty girl in her underwear
If there's anything better in this world who cares
La mort, c'est la mort
mais l'amour, c'est l'amour
La mort, c'est seulement la mort
mais l'amour, c'est l'amour
A pretty boy in his underwear
A pretty boy in his underwear
If there's a better reason to jump for joy who cares...

2. It's a Crime

It's a crime to fall in love
heart and mind and soul in love
It's a crime to fall in love so hard
so hard
I shouldn't have bothered cause you're just like all the others,
now I know and I won't do that again
I should have guessed that you'd be just like all the rest,
but now I know not to go through that again
I'm still crying all night and all day
but if I show it someone lock me away cause...
My Mama said gently, you can buy her a Bentley,
but my child she'll only drive it away
I didn't listen cause my brain was missing
and I only found it today
I was a man but now I'm only a child
and if it kills me I am going to smile because...
You won't be hearing from me anymore
cause I can't see through my tears anymore
If it takes years to be any more than a jellyfish
I will not tell you this, because...

3. Busby Berkeley Dreams

I should have forgotten you long ago
but you're in every song I know
Wining and pining is wrong and so
on and so forth, of course, of course
but no you can't have a divorce
I haven't seen you in ages
but it's not as bleak as it seems
We still dance on whirling stages
in my Busby Berkeley dreams
The tears have stained all the pages
of my True Romance magazines
We still dance in my outrageously beautiful
Busby Berkeley dreams
And now you want to leave me for good
I refuse to believe you could
You forget we're not made of wood
Well, darling you may do your worst
because you'll have to kill me first...
Do you think it's dangerous
to have Busby Berkeley dreams?

4. I'm Sorry I Love You

A single rose in your garden dwells
Like any rose it's not itself
It is my love in your garden grows
but let's pretend it's just a rose
Well I'm sorry that I love you
It's a phase I'm going through
There is nothing that I can do
and I'm sorry that I love you
Do not listen to my song
Don't remember it, don't sing along
Let's pretend it's a work of art
Let's pretend it's not my heart...
The rose will fade when summer's gone
The song will fade and I'll be gone
because my heart is dying too
and it's all the same to you...

5. Acoustic Guitar

Acoustic guitar, I'm gonna make you a star
Get your picture all over the world
Acoustic guitar, you can have your own car
Just bring me back my girl
She always loved the sound of your strum
You made her think maybe I wasn't so dumb
She tends to faint at the sound of a drum
cause she's folk
so play and maybe she'll come
Acoustic guitar, how lovely you are
with your inlays of mother of pearl
Be a good guitar and you can go far
Just bring me back my girl
She always said that you were the one
who could make her move her cute little bum
You understand where she's coming from
which I obviously don't
or she wouldn't be gone
Acoustic guitar, if you think I play hard
well, you could have belonged to Steve Earle
or Charo or Gwar
I could sell you tomorrow
so bring me back my girl
You'd better bring me back my girl

6. The Death of Ferdinand de Saussure

I met Ferdinand de Saussure
on a night like this
On love he said "I'm not so sure
I even know what it is
No understanding, no closure
It is a nemesis
You can't use a bulldozer
to study orchids," he said, "so
we don't know anything
you don't know anything
I don't know anything about love
But we are nothing
you are nothing
I am nothing without love"
I'm just a great composer
and not a violent man
but I lost my composure
and I shot Ferdinand
crying, "It's well and kosher
to say you don't understand
but this is for Holland-Dozier-Holland!"
His last words were...
His fading words were...

7. Love in the Shadows

The woman with no nose
I know where she goes
The old guy with the gold eye
we go back, he and I
Don't smile
We don't do that here, baby
Love in the shadows was never hard to find
but sometimes the moonglow
plays tricks on your mind
Love in the shadows is the only kind
The whispers you hear
are not sweet nothings
Let's have one more beer
and I'll tell you something
Don't laugh
I think you're beautiful...

8. Bitter Tears

Bitter tears keep me going
through the years, freely flowing
What have you done
Only a gun could stop these bitter tears
The endless streets I walk along
you made them seem pretty
but now I dream in country songs
and wake in New York City...
I cry because it looks so good
I cry, why not, it's free
and there's nothing more interesting
than crying constantly...

9. Wi' Nae Wee Bairn Ye'll Me Beget

Wi' nae wee bairn ye'll me beget
Untwinkle, little ee
My ainly pang'll be regret
A maiden I will dee
But I'll turn into a nightingale
My song will warm thy heart
Well I'll turn into a threshing machine
and tear thy bird apart...
But I'll turn into a vampire
and kiss you on the neck
Well I'll turn into a siller cross
and send thee back to Heck...
But I'll turn into a hydrogen bomb
and atomize the air
Well I'll turn into a cockroach
and you'll see if I care...
But I'll turn into a supernova
and burn up everything
Well I'll turn into a black little hole
and you'll turn into string...
But I'll turn into God Himself
and then you'll come to me
Well I will not believe in you
and then where will you be...
My ainly pang'll be regret
A maiden I will dee

10. Yeah! Oh, Yeah!

Are you out of love with me?
Are you longing to be free?
Do I drive you up a tree?
Yeah! Oh, Yeah!
Do I drive you up the wall?
Do you dread every phone call?
Can you not stand me at all?
Yeah! Oh, Yeah!
Though I need you more than air
is it true you just don't care?
Are you having an affair?
Yeah! Oh, Yeah!
When we met I thought money was everything
so I let you buy the house, the car, the ring
but I can't take your perpetual whining
and you can't sing
I thought if we lived apart
we could make a brand-new start
Do you want to break my heart?
Yeah! Oh, Yeah!
I've enjoyed making you miserable for years
found peace of mind in playing on your fears
How I loved to catch your gold and silver tears
but now my dear
What a dark and dreary life
Are you reaching for a knife?
Could you really kill your wife?
Yeah! Oh, Yeah!
Oh, I die, I die, I die!
So it's over, you and I
Was my whole life just a lie?
Yeah! Oh, Yeah!

11. Experimental Music Love

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perimental music love exper
imental music love experi
mental music love experiment
al music love experimental
music love experimental mus
ic love experimental music
love experimental music love

12. Meaningless

Meaningless?
You mean it's all been meaningless?
Every whisper and caress?
Yes yes yes it was totally meaningless
Meaningless
like when two fireflies fluoresce
Just like everything I guess
it was utterly meaningless
Even less
a little glimpse of nothingness
sucking meaning from the rest of this mess
Yes yes yes it was thoroughly meaningless
and if some dim bulb should say
we were in love in some way
kick all his teeth in for me
and if you feel like keeping on kicking feel free
Meaningless
Who dare to say it wasn't meaningless
Shout from the rooftops and address the press
Ha ha ha it was totally meaningless
Meaningless
Meaning less than a game of chess
Just like your mother said and mother knows best
I knew it all the time but now I confess
Yes yes yes how deliciously meaningless
Yes yes yes effervescently meaningless
Yes yes yes it was beautifully meaningless
Yes yes yes it was profoundly meaningless
Yes yes yes definitively meaningless
Yes yes yes comprehensively meaningless
Yes yes yes magnificently meaningless
Yes yes yes how incredibly meaningless
Yes yes yes unprecedentedly meaningless
Yes yes yes how mind-blowingly meaningless
Yes yes yes unbelievably meaningless
Yes yes yes how infinitely meaningless

13. Love is Like a Bottle of Gin

It makes you blind, it does you in
It makes you think you're pretty tough
It makes you prone to crime and sin
It makes you say things off the cuff
It's very small and made of glass
and grossly overadvertised
It turns a genius to an ass
and makes a fool think he is wise
It could make you regret your birth
or turn cartwheels in your best suit
It costs a lot more than it's worth
and yet there is no substitute
They keep it on a higher shelf
the older and more pure it grows
It has no color in itself
but it can make you see rainbows
You can find it on the Bowery
or you can find it at Elaine's
It makes your words more flowery
It makes the sun shine, makes it rain
You just get out what they put in
and they never put in enough
Love is like a bottle of gin
but a bottle of gin is not like love

14. Queen of the Savages

My girl is the Queen of the Savages
She don't know the modern world and its ravages
Instead of money she's got yams and cabbages
She lives in a dome
I don't care if I never get home
My girl is the queen of the jungle folk
You should see the things we see when we smoke
We think all of life is a funny joke
She's sharp as a tack
I don't care if I never get back
My girl is the queen of ten villages
We live on the fruits of her pillages
She eats other queens, she's very religious
She doesn't use a fork
I don't think I'll go back to New York

15. Blue You

The moon was singing the blues
The stars in the sky harmonized
singing it too
and I, far below
was singing low and slow
for you
and I know
all the world was singing the blues
The Queen was singing the blues
The President played the saxophone
sounded so alone
it was on the news
And from Ursa Minor
in what looked like an all-night diner
came lonely luminous creatures
whose only human feature
was singing the blues
soft and low
The blues was singing the blues
The dead in their graves
and the gods in their caves,
they'd been waiting so long
to sing the blue song
about you

16. I Can't Touch You Anymore

You want to know
if we fell in love too fast
You want to know
if this is, well, too good to last
You're asking the wrong questions
You're opening the wrong doors
I love you
I can't touch you anymore
I can't touch you anymore
There's so much to hate you for
I love you
I can't touch you anymore
You want to tell me
50 ways you've left your lovers
You want to tell me
how you loved 200 others...

17. Two Kinds of People

There are two kinds of people:
a) my love and I
b) other
two kinds of people:
1) the gray
and 2) me and my lover
All people fall into two camps
that ever twain shall be:
those lost in darkness without lamps,
and then,
my love and me...

18. How to Say Goodbye

The only thing that I could ever feel
I can't believe it wasn't real
The only thing that I could ever feel
I can't believe it wasn't real
You can't open your mouth without telling a lie
but baby, you know how to say goodbye
The thing I spent my whole life waiting for
has just walked out and locked the door
The thing I spent my whole life waiting for
has just walked out and locked the door
You can't feel a thing and you won't even try
but baby, you know how to say goodbye
I'm overjoyed to hear about your wedding
I'm writing you to wish you every blessing
I'm overjoyed to hear about your wedding
I'm writing you to wish you every blessing
and I'm so happy I could cry
Oh baby you know how to say goodbye

19. The Night You Can't Remember

Before you left your garrison
you'd had a drink, maybe two
You don't remember Paris, hon
but it remembers you
It's true, we flew to Paris, dear
aboard an Army jet
the night you can't remember
the night I can't forget
You said I was terrific, it
meant zilch to you, ah, but I
have our marriage certificate
'n I'll keep it till I die
You were an Army officer
and I just a Rockette
the night you can't remember
the night I can't forget
No rose conveyed your sentiments
not even a petunia
but you've got vague presentiments
and I've got little Junior
You said, Nobody loves me
and I said, Wanna bet?
the night you can't remember
the night I can't forget

20. For We Are the King of the Boudoir

Should time allow us
to describe our prowess
it would be quite hard to overrate
for we are the king of the boudoir, old thing
and the king doesn't like to wait
One tryst with me
and you'll be spinning like a gyroscope
One tryst with me and you'll be Pope
Should modesty allow us
to describe our prowesslessnesslessness
'twould be quite hard to overstate
for we are the king of the boudoir, it's true
and the king doesn't like to wait
One kiss from me
and you'll be overjoyed and overawed
One kiss from me and you'll see God
for we are the king of the boudoir, we are
and the king doesn't like to wait

21. Strange Eyes

Strange eyes, blue clocks without hands
two lives lived in distant lands
little blue mysteries
what did they see in me
Strange eyes, early Picassos
call me even when you don't
if only from pictures
it having been three years
They follow me in all my dreams
Oh God I'm still in love with you
Strange eyes, two little star charts
plunge knives into my poor heart
As lovely as a tree they endlessly recede
Strange eyes, two little whirlpools
made by God to destroy fools
two pearls of inf'nite cost
two paradises lost
They swallow me in all my dreams
Oh God I'm still in love with you

22. Xylophone Track

To my dear, dear mother
I leave my only shoes
To my dear, dear mother
I leave my only shoes
By the time you read this
I will have died of the blues
Scream little choo-choo
Bang your xylophone track
Keen, stupid choo-choo
Clang your xylophone track
You can wail all night long
but you can't bring her back
I've done so much crying
the flesh has left my bones
I've done so much crying
the flesh has left my bones
I can play my ribcage
like a xylophone

23. Zebra

So we got married in Venice in June
So what?
We circled the Earth in a hot air balloon
So what?
and the rest of our lives
is one long honeymoon
well, that doesn't mean we're in love
If you really loved me
you'd buy me a beautiful pearl
but you've already bought me
all of the pearls in the world
so there's one thing I crave
when my days become ho-hum and blah
I want a zebra
We've got so many tchotchkes
we've practically emptied the Louvre
In most of our palaces
there's hardly room to manœuvre
I shan't go to Bali today
I must stay home and Hoovre
up the gold dust
That doesn't mean we're in love
If you really loved me
you'd buy me the Great Pyramid
Oh, I'm so forgetful, you already did
But there's one thing I need
if you won't think I'm greedy, my deah
another zebra
Zelda looks lonely, I want a zebra